Don't carpe diem

After writing about my word of the year yesterday I read an article by Glennon Melton titled Don't Carpe Diem, a mom who had been told one to many times to enjoy every moment.  I can definitely relate.  There is definitely a sense that time flies and I should be fully enjoying every minute of it, every single moment, especially every second with my adorable and perfect children.  Except that there are moments, hours, days when it just isn't all that fun. 


Ms. Melton talked about chronos and kairos, both Greek words for time, but vastly different in meaning.  Chronos is the time measured by the clock, the minutes and hours that mark the day.  Five minutes late for school, one hour until dinner, two hours until bedtime.  Kairos is the right or opportune moment.  As she put it, "Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them."

Gordon B. Hinkley quoted Jenkins Lloyd Jones.  The reference was to marriage, but I think it applies to family life in general as well.

“Anyone who imagines that bliss [in marriage] is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed.

“[The fact is] most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. …

“Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed.

“The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride”

So in my intent to enjoy this year, it isn't about filling every moment with something exciting or splendid.  It's more about more kairos, taking time to look up and enjoy the journey.

Organization

Tonight I went to a RS activity for the women at church.  Since it was January the theme was on organization, organizing finances, organizing your home, organizing yourself spiritually.  It wasn't quite what I had expected, but I really liked what I heard.
The bishop's wife is a CPA and was asked to talk about organizing your finances.  Instead of talking about how to pinch every penny until it screams or how to audit your grocery receipts, she talked about provident living.  There is a lot of emphasis on this in the church.  In fact there is a whole website dedicated to the idea.  The way she defined it was "joyfully living within your means".  I liked that.  If you are doing it grudgingly it won't stick.  You have to live.  What that "requires" is different for everyone, but you have to at least meet basic needs and be able to sustain it for the long haul.  Within implies that there are constraints.  Even if incomes are high there are still limits.  Some people with very high incomes also have very high debts.  It is YOUR means, not someone else's.  You have to do what works for your family and keep your family circumstances as the guide for what you do. 

She also talked about the idea of the Lord's storehouse.  In areas where there are a lot of members there is a Bishop's storehouse that provides food and clothing to members in need.  The Lord's storehouse is something quite different, a principle rather than a physical place.  "The Lord's storehouse includes the time, talents, skills, compassion, consecrated material, and financial means of faithful Church members."  Then she applied this to our families and the idea of living within your means.  Means is not just money, but also time, talents, compassion, etc.  It reminded me of conversations I have had recently about social capital.  Social capital includes our relationships, and our educational and social resources.  So much of what we become in life if because of the social capital we have, the connections to others around us.  We not only need to be good stewards of our financial capital, but of our social capital as well, to come to the point that we can have a surplus to share with others.

Another woman from the ward was asked to talk about organizing our homes.  She didn't tell us that we needed to alphabetize our picture books or set up a rotating schedule for cleaning our homes.  Instead she talked about wisdom.  It relates, really it does.  Wisdom is her word for the year.  When we are wise about that we bring in to our homes and our lives and also wise about what we get rid of we can reduce a lot of the chaos that is a natural part of life.  Entropy is a powerful natural force at all levels.  A friend once referred to his kids as little entropy engines.  I agree.  It takes a lot of energy to resist the tendency to disorder.  Some days I do better than others.

I guess this brings somehow me to my word for the year, Enjoy.  For the past two years my word has been engage.  I felt the need to make an effort to be more engaged with the kids and family, to engage in good work.  This year I don't feel that urgency.  I feel like I need to take the time to enjoy where I am.  I have great kids and a wonderful husband.  I need to take the time to enjoy them, play dolls, read more books with them, talk to them, listen to them.  (The doll thing is a tough one for me, but I've found if I just sit there with her I don't really need to do much.)  Just enjoy them and include them in the things that I enjoy as well. 

What do you do?

At the beginning of the school year I was meeting a lot of parents of other kindergarteners.  As often happens when you meet new people I was asked, "What do you do?".  Interesting question.  The typical answer is something about your current employment.  What if you aren't employed in the traditional sense?  What if what you do doesn't really define you in the way you want to be known?  I like this perspective from career blogger Penelope Trunk.  She says that most people are asking the question so that they can make a connection with you and learn more about you.  So your answer should reflect that.  Tell them what makes you different or interesting.  Tell them where you spend your time and energy and what you are learning.  Also, she says remember it's a conversation.  Ask about the person.  They may be asking because they have something they want to share.  "I'm at home with the kids" is kind of a conversation stopper in some circles or permanently detours the conversation to the kids in others, and I'm much more than that.  I need a better answer.  Or do I?  I know who I am and anyone who needs to know will find out eventually.

Dinners 2009

Last year one of my goals was to try to add more variety to the things we had for dinner and put a little more effort in to it.  I think I did pretty well.  I tried out many new recipes, some of which have made it into the regular rotation.  Who whould have thought that tofu and bok choy would be regular items on my grocery list?  We like it and the kids will eat it, the tofu at least. I also decided to keep track of what we were eating.  You may have noticed a link to my What's for dinner blog in the side bar.  I think that helped a bit when I got stuck in a rut.  So thanks to Excel pivot tables I counted up how often we repeated the dinners.  The top 10 were:

BBQ pork sandwiches 23
pasta 18
Pizzeti 16
Chili 13
pizza 13
sausages 12
chicken salad w/ mandarin oranges 11
pork chops & rice 11
hamburgers 10
Chicken kabobs 8
stir fried tofu & veggies 8
(OK so it's 11, but the last two were a tie)

Check here for a more complete list.

We burned out on Pizzeti (pita pizzas) as our quick after church meal and the kids won't eat them any more.  Part of the popularity of the BBQ pork sandwiches is that it is something that I make at home and something that Sam's Barbeque does very well.  For as healthy as the chicken salad w/ mandarin oranges sounds, they all came from Wendy's.  At least it is better than a Baconator.  (I did eat one of those, but only one.)  After looking at the list, I think I did pretty well.  Another year, another 365 dinners to go.  Any suggestions?

The good word for the year

2010
My cousin selects a word to focus on for the year, last year was ENJOY.  This year, PEACE.  I started thinking...What could be my word for the coming year?  This past year has been a good one.  Baby Girl is really no longer a baby.  She is sleeping fairly well, which means that I am also sleeping better when I remember to get to bed at a reasonable hour.  Her spunky personality is blossoming as she learns to talk and express herself.  Buddy boy is such a good kid.  He is learning and growing so fast.  Dad is having a good time pursuing his goals.  After making it through the sleep deprived blur I have had a good time reading, sewing, cooking, paper cutting, teaching and playing.  It has been a good year, there have been challenges, but it has been good overall.  A word for last year?  EMERGE or INDULGE come to mind as I spent much of my free time this past year getting back in to the things that I set aside after the Baby Girl was born.

What's next? 

Looking ahead, Baby Girl will be at home with me all year again.  She misses the cut off date for starting pre-school by 2 days.  She is a busy little person.  Buddy boy will finish pre-school this spring and start kindergarten in the fall.  That will be a big change that will affect the whole family.  Dad will finish up his CPA early this year which will open up new opportunities.  (We joke about our letter collection BA, MBA, CPA, BS, RD, MS, PhD etc.  It just keeps growing.)  For me the coming year looks a lot like last year, cook, clean, care for kids, repeat.  I still keep my Good Life Goals in mind in the things that I do.  (See side bar)  More specifically I need to work on being more organized, you know, a place for everything and everything in it's place, at least some of the time.  I also need to be sure that I stay engaged with the kids, keep them busy and happy, and continue to teach them.  They are getting big enough to understand a lot.  They pick up on everything.  I need to make sure that my voice is loud and clear as I teach them so that there is no mistaking what I expect of them and what I believe.  I also want to pursue my hobbies and get back in to exercising more regularly.  It keeps me sane to have something to think about outside of the domestic sphere. 

So, what is my word?  How about ENGAGE. 
Definition:
–verb (used with object)
1. to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons): He engaged her in conversation.
2. to secure for aid, employment, use, etc.; hire: to engage a worker; to engage a room.
3. to attract and hold fast: The novel engaged her attention and interest.
4. to attract or please: His good nature engages everyone.
5. to bind, as by pledge, promise, contract, or oath; make liable: He engaged himself to repay his debt within a month.
6. to betroth (usually used in the passive): They were engaged last week.
7. to bring (troops) into conflict; enter into conflict with: Our army engaged the enemy.
8. Mechanics. to cause (gears or the like) to become interlocked; interlock with.
9. to attach or secure.
10. Obsolete. to entangle or involve.


These apply to varying degrees, although I hope that my year does not involve any armed conflict other than play sword fighting with Buddy Boy and the Rock Monsters or perhaps the boxes that remain stacked in the office.  This is better:

"Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward."  D&C 58:27-28

That's it.  ENGAGE!

What's your good word for the year?

You do not work alone.

In preparing for today's RS lesson I remembered a General Conference talk by Pres. Eyring from October 2002. The talk is advice to people who are new to their church callings. To me, at that time, I think that it applied more generally as well, to any time that we are doing a good work and the work of the Lord.

He counseled people that God would magnify them in their callings and that they would need it. The part that I particularly remembered was this.

"There will be times when you feel overwhelmed. One of the ways you will be attacked is with the feeling that you are inadequate. Well, you are inadequate to answer the call to represent God with only your own powers. But you have access to more than your natural capacities, and you do not work alone." -President Henry B. Eyring

Knowing that I was not alone in my efforts of the time was incredibly comforting. It still is today.

Simple Beauty

I've been reading a biography of Johannes Kepler (Kepler's Witch by James A Conner). I am about 1/3 of the way through since it it a little slow going and I have read a couple of other things in between. But today I read something that I think was worth stopping to think about.

Kepler was trying to discover the unifying order of things in the universe, the theory of everything. A contemporary of Galileo, he stuggled with the same issues. He could see that the earth-centered universe of Aristotle and Ptolemy was overly complicated. To many exceptions had to be developed in order to explain what he observed in the sky. He believed that the way the universe worked and ordered itself was a window in to the mind of God. Because of this he believed that what we find beautiful we will also find to be true.

The Good, the True, and the Beautiful - these are the deep properties of Platos's Ideas, and the yardstick by which Kepler measured the universe. - James A. Conner

When James Watson and Frances Crick were searching for the structure of DNA they knew they were on the right track because it was beautifully simple. It had to be the right one. It was.

The simple, the true, and the beautiful. In truth we find beauty, and in true beauty, simplicity.

Wordful Wednesday: Transformations

I am feeling like fall even though the weather isn't quite there yet. There is a change in the light that makes it different from summer even though this can be the hottest time of year. Maybe it is because it is the time of year when school starts again. Even though I graduated from high school 20 years ago, this always more like a New Year beginning than January 1.

Fall... leaves... changes...

Lately I have been thinking about how our choices at life's cross roads set us in directions that have a profound impact on who we are and who we become. Sometimes those decision points are part of the progression of life around us and sometimes we force them. That can be good or not. Do we need to get out of a rut or are we messing up something good? How do we deal with an unexpected bump or mountain in the road? Where do we go from here? Do we stretch and grow or shrivel and wither? I feel like I have changed a lot in the last 20 years. I am more ME and I like it. No pretending. No trying to please the impossible other. Just me. Ahhh...

During the flush of summer all the leaves are green. It is only when the season changes that we see the color underneath.



More Wordful Wednesday here

notes on the new header

I love old wood that is faded and rough. I have a piece of twisted drift wood that I have carried around with me for years. One of my brothers brought it back from a Boy Scout campout if that tells you anything. One day when the light and the mood are right I'll take some pictures of it for sketches that I will probably never get around to. These pictures are in GrandDad's back yard a few summers ago. He planted some beautiful red and rust colored sunflowers. One afternoon I took a bunch of pictures. I love them. I particularly like the backlit flower and the picture where the wooden fence is sharp and the flowers themselves are blurred.

In the bag

Sometimes I wonder why the bag I carry around gets so heavy. I decided to clean it out today and this is what I found when I dumped it all on the table. It isn't a pretty picture.

2 diapers, empty package of wipes, 1 change of baby clothes, 3 hats, 2 half bottles of sun screen, 1 squirt bottle for keeping cool at the park, 1 notebook. 1 wallet, 1 spool of thread, 1 zipper, 1 package of snaps, 1 flashlight, 1 cell phone, 1 Swiss Army knife, 72 cents in random change, Kleenex (clean), Kleenex (not so clean), grocery store receipts, 1 RS handouts, 1/2 package of fruit snacks, 1 granola bar, several packages of crackers (saltine and graham crackers), cracker crumbs, toys, 1 baby board book, 1 comb, 1 poly tail holder, various pens, and a highlighter.

Missing from the picture are anywhere from 1 to 3 sippy cups for my 2 kids.

Boy, I must be a mom.

Thanksgiving dinner

I have many fond memories of Thanksgiving dinner at my Grandma and Grandpa's house. It was the sort of thing that would make Norman Rockwell smile. It was always a big family affair with anywhere from 30 to 50 aunts, uncles, and cousins there. It was always very predictable and that is what made it so great, traditions that built over time. Here is how it usually happened...

We would drive from our home and count the cars on the roughly 40 minute ride through the canyon. The record was probably around 350 or so. I could be way off on that. It has been a long time. That may not sound like a lot, but it was definitely much heavier traffic than we usually saw. Dinner was planned for 1:00, so we got there a little early to help with the final fixings and setting the table. I remember lessons on where the forks and glasses go and which way the knife blade points. There was a long table in the living room with white table cloths, Grandma's china, and center pieces of cornucopias full of plastic fruit and little pilgrim and turkey candles that were never burned but used year after year. As the family grew the table became T shaped and later a kiddie table was added in the kitchen dining area.

The menu at Grandma's house never seemed to vary.

• Turkey
• mashed potatoes. I usually skipped this in favor of extra stuffing.
• gravy
• stuffing
• cranberry jello salad sitting on a little leaf of iceberg lettuce. The year I made the "cranberry" jello salad without any cranberries is another story.
• creamed onions, my absolute favorite
• green beans from Grandma's garden sprinkled with bacon. She was amazing. The beans were picked to be the perfect size to fit into a pint jar and thin enough to be tender and yummy.
• little dishes with dill pickles, sweet pickles, and mustard pickles. I have yet to eat a mustard pickle. They just scare me a little.
• Aunt Janet's homemade rolls sprinkles with mace and sugar
• yam-n-apples, Yams with apples in a sweet butter sauce.
• relish trays with carrots, celery stuffed with pimento cream cheese, and olives perfect for fingers.

It seems like I'm forgetting something, I just can't think of what it might be right now.

During the afternoon there were games including croquet if the weather was good. Sometimes it was warm and sunny, other years it was so snowy the road through the canyon was closed. In later years the games involved football, conversation, and sometimes naps.

Pies came out around 3:00. Pumpkin and mincemeat, raisins, pears, orange juice, spices. Yummy. There was whipped cream and dip for the mincemeat, the same butter sauce used for the yams. As a little boy my brother just wanted the whipped cream.

For dinner we had sandwiches with the leftovers, more veggies, and a salad including orange jello, cool whip, and cottage cheese, and grandma's cookies.

What a great day.

Now we spend Thanksgiving with my hubby's family. It is quite a different experience. Both great, but very different.

Dinner is at 5:00 or 5:30 or so after a more leisurely day of cooking and baking. It is a much smaller group and obviously much quieter. This year there were 7 adults and 4 kids.

The menu has it's similarities in the traditional items, but it is quite different. The turkey, stuffing, potatoes, gravy, and creamed onions are nominally the same, but still different. The cranberry sauce is made with real fresh cranberries. The veggies are Brussels sprouts. Not a mustard pickle to be seen. I made the rolls and topped them with mace and sugar just for old time sake. After dinner we had pumpkin and chocolate hazelnut pies.

It was a good day overall. Good food, good family. Buddy boy went home by 6:30, he had been up since 5:00. As he says, "It has been a long long day."

Thanks

About 15 years ago I had just finished college and moved to a pretty small town in the desert away from all of my family and friends. There were times that I was just miserable so I decided to make a list of all of the things that I was thankful for. At the time I wasn't feeling very grateful for anything about my situation. I finished with over a page of things including the fact that there was great mountain biking just outside my front door and I had no need to travel to "get away from it all" because I was already there. This taught me that there is always something, however small, to be grateful for. Right now things are quite different and I am still grateful. Here are a few things that make today's list, in no particular order.

• My husband who forgets our anniversary, but remembers it before I do. (Really, we both forgot our anniversary last week. Happy 6 years!)


• My kids who are now sleeping in until 6:45 am. It sure beats 5:30. Daylight savings time was not pleasant for a non-morning person like me.


• Buddy boy's happy singing all day. I've been working on the railroad... Camptown races... I'm a little turkey, my name is Ted... Are you sleeping... Doe, a dear, a female dear...


• Baby girl's face that lights up when she sees me play peek-a-boo and I help her escape the dreaded high chair.


• We have a comfortable, if cold, house to live in.


• My husband has a job that allows me to stay at home and answer endless questions. What today? What make? What word say? What time is it? Which way? Going to school with Daddy today? Where we going? Come, I'll show you.


• Outlets for my desire to be creative, artistic, and musical however limited my skill.


• Friends for afternoons at the park and book club.


• My mom and her improving health and telephone calls.


• Family I love who live nearby.


• Family I love who live to far away.


• Faith and prayer and God.

This is just a partial list. There is so much more, the beautiful colors and shapes of autumn leaves, sunsets, indoor plumbing, gingerbread cookies, pomegranates, winter gardening...

For more see Chocolate on my cranium

Learning styles

I saw a link to a learning styles test on another blog. I have wondered how to know what my kids' learning styles are or will be and how best to adapt what I do for them. They are too young for this test, but it is interesting to see the results for me. I wasn't surprised especially the visual bit and the part about liking to work on my own. I was surprised about the music part, but I knew I am not a linguistic learner. It was pretty interesting.

Eight Styles of Learning:

Logical/Mathematical Learner
likes to: do experiments, figure things out, work with numbers, ask questions and explore patterns and relationships.
is good at: math, reasoning, logic and problem solving.
learns best by: categorizing, classifying and working with abstract patterns/relationships.

Spatial Learner
likes to: draw, build, design and create things, daydream, look at pictures/slides, watch movies and play with machines.
is good at: imagining things, sensing changes, mazes/puzzles and reading maps, charts.
learns best by: visualizing, dreaming, using the mind's eye and working with colors/pictures.

Musical Learner
likes to: sing, hum tunes, listen to music, play an instrument and respond to music.
is good at: picking up sounds, remembering melodies, noticing pitches/rhythms and keeping time.
learns best by: rhythm, melody and music.

Intrapersonal Learner
likes to: work alone and pursue own interests.
is good at: understanding self, focusing inward on feelings/dreams, following instincts, pursuing interests/goals and being original.
learns best by: working alone, individualized projects, self-paced instruction and having own space.

Moderation and shades of grey

I have heard the advice to do all things in moderation, including moderation. I generally agree. Extremism rarely, or never, leads to a good end. Taking a more balanced, measured approach has usually served me well. But sometimes you just have to go for broke, take the plunge, make a stand, put all your eggs in one basket etc. This doesn't just apply to doing things, but also to taking a stand on an issue or belief.

Similarly, some argue for moral equivalence, where there is no good or bad, just believe what you want. Others may argue for moral relativism where every judgment and decision depends on the situation or context. It is true that we don't live in a black and white world. Most issues are complex and require consideration of more than just the surface claims and exist as shades of grey. However at some point you have to draw a line and decide what you believe and where you stand. There is such a thing as an absolute truth.